Monday, July 25, 2005


Tom used to say that all political action and ideology were merely psychological and sexual questions unconsciously deflected outwards at the world, typically with lunatic results. He probably wouldn't say that now, but I liked it when he did. Its a funny idea, such serious people ranting fanatically about obviously flawed policies, when in truth they believe these things mostly because its a reflection or an escape from the forces of their bodies, the jungle of their brains. An ayatollah so ashamed of his own dick he devotes his energies to issuing fatwahs, a Republican raised with such a fear of losing anything he is enamoured with the idea of passing law after law after law, regardless of how crazy or bureaucratic they are, the Marxist incapable of being attractive to girls in grade school, now must condemn a society that produces jocks.

In all this is the question, how much of what we believe is based on observation of one's experiences and looking into oneself for bias or hidden feelings, and how much is just a strange mountain of one assumption piled on top of another?

I don't know, but I have a lot of ideas about fucking, and what it means, and that sometimes I'd like to enjoin a political cause and get killed because I feel lonely and fucked up more than anything else. You see a suicide bomber on TV and you wonder why. Its not Islam, its not the doctrine. Its the emotion. Its hatred. The spiritual leaders of Hamas or Hezebollah don't persuade, they make you feel hate. And its not very hard to do when your world is crumbling.

There are better parts of me too of course, just as there are better parts of Hezebollah. I have a soul, I like jokes, I think its cool to watch bears eat at the garbage dump, I'd help someone build a house if I thought they were a good person, I hope people remember me after I die, I hope I remember them well if they do. I think me and a suicide bomber would have some if not all these things in common. Fuck, if I share them with the President of the United States I probably share them with just about anybody.

Having said that, fucking is a sensitive subject. There's all kinds of fucking. There's all kinds of people fucking, and its the reason there's near seven billion people in the world and not 34. Sometimes its fun, sometimes its romantic and all that shit, sometimes its kind of disturbing. Mainly its a private thing and people prefer it that way. I don't know if necessarily I want to be talking about it all the time, or with just anybody. There are definitely people I don't want to talk about fucking with, and its not much different than not wanting to talk about a guy's job if he's a shoe salesman or a taxidermist.

Personally I like the kissing and hugging the most, and the straight ahead fucking is good. Most people have some odd preferences, and I don't raise any moral objections to getting peed on, or dressing up like a dog and going "woof!" or liking feet. There's all kinds in the world, and I would be the last person to put someone down for being fucked up.

Or am I? I think, after we've accepted these things as part of the human character and not some hideous evil, we have to acknowledge that people humiliate themselves, or hurt themselves, in order to get off, and I think this goes against one's dignity. Isn't that the point? Maybe its because we're trained to live in a shell of phony dignity all the time, and somehow a person needs to be free to exist every once in a while, I guess to revel, as they really are: strange, confused, full of contradictions of good and bad, what it is to be a little, fallible mortal. But I don't think its the cure to this bullshit front of sanity and moral certitude, its just a result. I would rather see someone pursue a natural sense of honor, one that accepts inconsistency and insanity in one's character without pissing on (sometimes literally) the greatness of real virtue.

I mean, you can be a good person and still need to get whipped once in a while, but then again you can be a good person and weigh 400 pounds, or be a good person and have tourettes, shouting "fucker!" every ten minutes; it doesn't mean there isn't a problem.

So here's my political platform for an honorable approach to fucking:

* Nudity must be made commonplace. Nakedness and fucking are seen as the same thing, and I think this drives people towards perversity or repression of natural instincts. It builds the shell. People should be free to be naked most places... Maybe not restaurants.

* Belief systems that prescribe severe restrictions on the form, frequency and philosophical implications of fucking should henceforth be addressed not as "different perspectives" but as "obviously retarded." Belief systems that suggest orgies, bestiality, or S&M are religious acts should forever be lumped in with the above, because they are both the products of sexual hysteria.

* Sexual prefence should be considered a political issue in elections. If a candidate sees hookers, then I know not to vote for them, because they don't know how to treat people. If a candidate does not have sex ever and wins, I know I must then flee the country. Conversely, if a candidate is gay, then its easy to tell how to vote: left gays are great leaders, right gays are Nazis. There are no exceptions to this rule.

* The practice of referring to pop stars as sexy should desist and replaced with the phrase "financially aggressive."

These are just a few humble suggestions. Remember: fucking is great, but it took four or so billion years of nature to build the DNA that builds dicks and pussies, generally speaking earth has more interesting things in mind than S&M or socialism.