Tuesday, February 10, 2009

this is the evil that men bring me

it is so much inwreathed in morality i can barely snarl, but so starkly clear the murder of sweet innocence, i was just born int0 this concrete desert. i was made to be among the living things of green, but was chosen to rot among you here - to be a teller. to tell, with knives at my throat, whatever you have made these children who never had a chance to be made by beautiful things but must learn horror and rightful hatred of the murderers of their fathers and mothers, that you have made this world out of political gain. you have murdered for the sake of expediency, you have not just murdered men but their loves, and now you demand the world turn. it she will still turn, but she will come around again, and she will come bearing the bodies of those you thought went with her. and this rage will never cease. it will never cease, despite all paradises we have to chase each other through, and they are many, and if i know man i know they will burn each down after they are finished with them. and slaughter all children who try to hide in sundipped gardens in spring, should those places contain anything worth having according to immaculate princes.

but such things that are brought me by men smiling wisely and sure of themselves, how I would turn their knives upon them and let their smiles bleed into the soil of all living things. i would kneel over them with such violence and send them from all beings so beautiful and brittle. beings they would blame for being victim of the strong, and ask them, what monster would believe there is no child in the soul whose tears of cowardice are not worth protecting. And man laughed out like a snake and said nothing brittle shall ever have currency while my fist rules this earth, and so it was. and so man's end became.

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

dear civilian

A series of messages between me and an iraq war veteran last year, edited for clarity.

Dear civilian,

Why do you feel that you have to comment on a wounded soldier. What have you ever sacrificed. Instead of sitting at home on the couch and judging us on what we do, join the army and see if you have what it takes. Oh thats right you don't. When you comment on everything we do and the actions we take you sound more like a terrorist. You have never been there so you don't know a thing. You believe what the media says and for that your an ignorant person. Don't judge us on our actions for something you know nothing about. Keep your mouth shut.


for someone who pretends to defend democracy and freedom its despicable you would go around telling people who criticize you to keep their mouths shut.

i'm not a soldier but if you voice a political opinion you dont get to hide behind your uniform. your opinion is not sacred. you are also "just a citizen" - but your military ass has been kissed by manipulative politicians for so long you actually believe you might be a saint; and if you want to attack politicians all the "second-class" civilians better keep their "mouths shut" because you have special privileges. talk about elitism.

well guess what i was a social worker for four years and i have seen shit you have never seen. I have seen your fellow citizens discriminated against, oppressed, raped, beaten, murdered, poor, insane, dying. I have seen what you say you are protecting, and you are not better than me because you choose to go to war for a corrupt government. I guarantee you wouldn't last a day doing what I did, trying to save people your society crushed.

also, I dont listen to the media. You do. I read books, ones by real thinkers, not TV hacks. Do you?

I won't tell you to keep your mouth shut, because unlike you I understand what democracy really means. Go ahead, have your political opinions, you are entitled to them. expect to have to defend them. If you can't, don't complain when someone who knows something about the world shoots you down.

And one last thing. Your government lies to you all the time.


All the things you have so called seen I have seen worse people ripped to pieces by road side bombs. You speak of corruption like you know what it's like. And know body kisses our ass. I can do your job do mine. When was the last time you got hit by a 500 lb. road side bomd and then ambushed. You have friends screaming in pain from the metal that tore threw there flesh. You know your job is a cake compared to what i do and many others who risk there lives day in and day out. We pray to god everynight that we make it to the next sunrise. You see only the pieces of something small. Those people who are suffering in my own country have to blame themselves. You can blame people who are tortured everyday by others who don't like them.
What do you know about discrimination. How would you like it if a sniper started targeting only certain groups, like hispanics. I don't hide behind my uniform. I never have and never will. I stand proud for everything i have done. You know nothing about the horror's of evil men. Don't you can compare your job to mine. You have no idea what evil is really out there. You can go home at night, shower, eat with your family and sleep in a warm bed. When was the last time you had to rely on the person next to you since you are a social worker. When did you ever have to check for traps in doorways when you walked into a home. Let me guess never.

Your right I might be a citizen but I stand behind for what I believe in. Instead of talking down about others who have suffered greatly. You people are all the same. Let's help them but when we take action you cry and complain about hurting people's feelings. You all want peace but for that to happen soldier's have to stand up and protect the weak, the sick, the hungry. Plus what murder do you speak of what have you seen that i haven't. You sound like you have been to Iraq. You know about the oppressed, raped, beaten, murdered, poor, insane, dying. You know nothing I saw that all in such a short time and at a young age. I have seen chilideren gagged and bounded with rope with a bullet in the back of there head.

You speak like you know a democracy. How can you act like you know anything about that. You are the type of person to cast the first stone. I'm not saying shut your mouth. I'm simply saying keep your comments to yourself especially in this manner. Like they if you won't stand behind us stand in front of us. And i know you won't do that because pepe like you think because you sit at home and think you have seen more suffering that your stronger then us. Ask yourself when was the last time you saw your friend die and tell you he wants to go home. Screaming for his mom. I have heard it many times and have had to say goodbye to everyone single one of them. Your job can't compare to mine so don't even try. Goverment lie's about alot of things so does the media and your news weekly and all of them. But for you to think getting rid of a man who tortured his own people for pleasure was wrong then you are sadly mistaken and are as bad as the people we fight. We are the one's that protect you at night. And what little you know about a country you have never been in. So sleep well tonight because people like me will protect people like you who judge us and I'm proud of what I do. Because i do it for a greater good and being part of something bigger then myself is always better then living in my own world like you.

Plus i don't watch the news. I read books on F.B.I. Profilers and what they have done in there life and what cases they worked on.



youre the one who judges people, buddy. i criticize a guy for his political opinion and you tell me i have no right to criticize a wounded soldier because i am not a soldier. youre the one who tells me I am below you because I don't go to war. You call me a terrorist. So cut the self-righteousness, we're both equals and no matter how many times you try to make me ashamed because I didn't join the fucking army that will not change. maybe you can push around democrats like that but not free thinkers. By the way you pretend you werent trying to shut me up but thats exactly what you said.

The minute you say Vote for McCain or Vote for Obama you step out of your uniform and become a civilian. Thats a political opinion and you don't get a free pass for being a soldier, your opinions get criticized too. If you really believe in democracy the minute you are in uniform you become an American, not a Democrat American or a Republican American. And if you have the balls to get in your uniform and say "Vote for McCain, Obama sucks" you have stained your honor in a way I could never do. The day you use your military service to get votes is the day you stop being an American soldier and become McCain's soldier.

You've seen alot? I won't question what you've seen. I'll take your word for it. Those all sound like terrible things. I'm sorry you had to see them. But that doesn't give you the right to tell me to shut up or to claim youre better than me. And don't you think its weird that all that shit happened not under Saddam, but when Bush was in charge of Iraq?

I've seen shit you haven't seen and if you think you could do my job then sure as shit I could do yours. Why, because you have to be gentle with victims, you cant slap them around and tell them to shut up. Bringing a rape victim back to humanity takes a lot patience and suffering and youve got no right to tell me it doesnt count. And for you to say that people like that have only themselves to blame shows you dont know what I'm talking about. It sounds like you dont know whats going on in your own country. I never said I was better than you, but you dont have a problem telling how much better you are - and that's bullshit.


Honor never grows old, and honor rejoices the heart of age. It does so
because honor is, finally, about defending those noble and worthy
things that deserve defending, even if it comes at a high cost. In our time, that
may mean social disapproval, public scorn, hardship, persecution, or as always,
even death itself. The question remains: What is worth defending? What is worth
dying for? What is worth living for? - William J. Bennett - in a lecture to the
United States Naval Academy November 24, 1997

Thus there is a paradox, and we must grasp both ends of the situation:
We may well be in the most violent times in history, but violence is still
remarkably rare. This is because most citizens are kind, decent people
who are not capable of hurting each other, except by accident or under extreme
provocation. They are sheep.

I mean nothing negative by calling them sheep. To me it is like the
pretty, blue robin's egg. Inside it is soft and gooey but someday it will grow
into something wonderful. But the egg cannot survive without its hard blue
shell. Police officers, soldiers, and other warriors are like that shell, and
someday the civilization they protect will grow into something wonderful.? For
now, though, they need warriors to protect them from the predators.

"Then there are the wolves," the old war veteran said, "and the wolves
feed on the sheep without mercy." Do you believe there are wolves out there
who will feed on the flock without mercy? You better believe it. There are evil
men in this world and they are capable of evil deeds. The moment you forget
that or pretend it is not so, you become a sheep. There is no safety in

"Then there are sheepdogs," he went on, "and I'm a sheepdog. I live to
protect the flock and confront the wolf."

If you have no capacity for violence then you are a healthy productive
citizen, a sheep. If you have a capacity for violence and no empathy
for your fellow citizens, then you have defined an aggressive sociopath, a wolf. But
what if you have a capacity for violence, and a deep love for your fellow
What do you have then? A sheepdog, a warrior, someone who is walking
the hero's path. Someone who can walk into the heart of darkness, into the
universal human phobia, and walk out unscathed

Let me expand on this old soldier's excellent model of the sheep,
wolves, and sheepdogs. We know that the sheep live in denial, that is what makes
them sheep. They do not want to believe that there is evil in the
world. They can accept the fact that fires can happen, which is why they want fire
extinguishers, fire sprinklers, fire alarms and fire exits throughout their kids'

But many of them are outraged at the idea of putting an armed police
officer in their kid's school. Our children are thousands of times more likely
to be killed or seriously injured by school violence than fire, but the
sheep's only response to the possibility of violence is denial. The idea of someone
coming to kill or harm their child is just too hard, and so they chose the
path of denial.

The sheep generally do not like the sheepdog. He looks a lot like the
wolf. He has fangs and the capacity for violence. The difference, though, is
that the sheepdog must not, can not and will not ever harm the sheep. Any sheep
dog who intentionally harms the lowliest little lamb will be punished
and removed.
The world cannot work any other way, at least not in a representative
democracy or a republic such as ours.

Still, the sheepdog disturbs the sheep. He is a constant reminder that
there are wolves in the land. They would prefer that he didn't tell them
where to go, or give them traffic tickets, or stand at the ready in our
airports in camouflage fatigues holding an M-16. The sheep would much
rather have the sheepdog cash in his fangs, spray paint himself white, and go, "Baa."

Until the wolf shows up. Then the entire flock tries desperately to
hide behind one lonely sheepdog.

The students, the victims, at Columbine High School were big, tough
high school students, and under ordinary circumstances they would not
have had the time of day for a police officer. They were not bad kids; they just had
nothing to say to a cop. When the school was under attack, however, and SWAT
teams were clearing the rooms and hallways, the officers had to physically peel
those clinging, sobbing kids off of them. This is how the little lambs
feel about their sheepdog when the wolf is at the door.

Look at what happened after September 11, 2001 when the wolf pounded
hard on the door. Remember how America, more than ever before, felt
differently about their law enforcement officers and military personnel? Remember how
many times you heard the word hero?

Understand that there is nothing morally superior about being a
sheepdog; it is just what you choose to be. Also understand that a sheepdog is a
funny critter: He is always sniffing around out on the perimeter, checking the
breeze, barking at things that go bump in the night, and yearning for a
righteous battle. That is, the young sheepdogs yearn for a righteous
battle. The old sheepdogs are a little older and wiser, but they move
to the sound of the guns when needed right along with the young ones.

Here is how the sheep and the sheepdog think differently. The sheep
pretend the wolf will never come, but the sheepdog lives for that day. After
the attacks on September 11, 2001, most of the sheep, that is, most citizens in America
said, "Thank God I wasn't on one of those planes." The sheepdogs, the warriors, said,
"Dear God, I wish I could have been on one of those planes. Maybe I
could have made a difference." When you are truly transformed into a
warrior and have truly invested yourself into warriorhood, you want to be there.
You want to be able to make a difference.

There is nothing morally superior about the sheepdog, the warrior, but
he does have one real advantage. Only one. And that is that he is able
to survive and thrive in an environment that destroys 98 percent of the

There was research conducted a few years ago with individuals
convicted of violent crimes. These cons were in prison for serious,
predatory crimes of violence: assaults, murders and killing law enforcement officers. The vast
majority said that they specifically targeted victims by body language: slumped
walk, passive behavior and lack of awareness. They chose their victims like
big cats do in Africa, when they select one out of the herd that is least able
to protect itself.

There is no safety for honest men except by believing all possible
evil of evil men. - Edmund Burke

Here is the point I like to emphasize, especially to the thousands of
police officers and soldiers I speak to each year. In nature the sheep, real
sheep, are born as sheep. Sheepdogs are born that way, and so are wolves.
They didn't have a choice. But you are not a critter. As a human being, you can be
whatever you want to be. It is a conscious, moral decision.

If you want to be a sheep, then you can be a sheep and that is okay,
but you must understand the price you pay. When the wolf comes, you and your
loved ones are going to die if there is not a sheepdog there to protect you. If
you want to be a wolf, you can be one, but the sheepdogs are going to hunt
you down and you will never have rest, safety, trust or love. But if you want
to be a sheepdog and walk the warrior's path, then you must make a conscious
and moral decision every day to dedicate, equip and prepare yourself to thrive
in that toxic, corrosive moment when the wolf comes knocking at the door.

For example, many officers carry their weapons in church.? They are
well concealed in ankle holsters, shoulder holsters or inside-the-belt
holsters tucked into the small of their backs.? Anytime you go to some form of
religious service, there is a very good chance that a police officer
in your congregation is carrying. You will never know if there is such an individual in your
place of worship, until the wolf appears to massacre you and your loved ones.

Their only response to the wolf, though, is denial, and all too often
their response to the sheepdog is scorn and disdain. But the sheepdog
quietly asks himself, "Do you have and idea how hard it would be to live with
yourself if your loved ones attacked and killed, and you had to stand there
helplessly because you were unprepared for that day?"

It is denial that turns people into sheep. Sheep are psychologically
destroyed by combat because their only defense is denial, which is
counterproductive and destructive, resulting in fear, helplessness and
horror when the wolf shows up.

Denial kills you twice. It kills you once, at your moment of truth
when you are not physically prepared: you didn't bring your gun, you didn't
train. Your only defense was wishful thinking. Hope is not a strategy.
Denial kills you a second time because even if you do physically survive, you
are psychologically shattered by your fear helplessness and horror at
your moment of truth.

Denial is a save-now-pay-later scheme, a contract written entirely in
small print, for in the long run, the denying person knows the truth on some

And so the warrior must strive to confront denial in all aspects of
his life, and prepare himself for the day when evil comes.

This business of being a sheep or a sheep dog is not a yes-no
dichotomy. It is not an all-or-nothing, either-or choice. It is a matter of degrees,
a continuum. On one end is an abject, head-in-the-sand-sheep and on
the other end is the ultimate warrior. Few people exist completely on one end or the

Most of us live somewhere in between. Since 9-11 almost everyone in America
took a step up that continuum, away from denial. The sheep took a few steps
toward accepting and appreciating their warriors, and the warriors started
taking their job more seriously. The degree to which you move up that
continuum, away from sheephood and denial, is the degree to which you and your loved
ones will survive, physically and psychologically at your moment of truth.

Ask the Kurdish if sadam gassing them and killing thusands in one single strike was right. Kid born with extra fingers. Thats the life of people like me. Hussein and Kussein sadam son's would rape and kill woman everyday just for fun. There is a palace in Mosul, Irag with a pound right outside to it. It was drained and hundreds of bodies and bones were found. Thats the life you will never know. I feel sorry for the rape victim but I have fellow soldiers who were under investigation for helping a little boy who was getting rape by 3 men for talking to us. What did they do they became the sheep dog and killed thse three men without mercy. You know nothing about the suffering of man. 200,000 iraqi's were killed but not by us. THere shite and sunni death squads who go around killing each other because of different religion. they kill them by the hundreds and it's an on going battle to put an end to all of this. When was the last time you try to put a stop to a war thats been going on for thousands of years?
Did you knw sadam killed his country soccer team for loseing. You live a regular and I tell myself sometimes at night I would take any job then this. Unlike yours my job requires not a 9 to 5 schedule it's 24/7 thing for me. It doesn't end when I close my eyes it only means I must stay more alert. I'm always ready and vigalant.

I don't use my uniform as a shield. It's not a political opinion it's far from that it's the comment you made about the iraq war. What do you know since you never put on a uniform and looked at the wolf. What I'm saying is keep your mouth shut of stuff you don't know whats happening. I spent over a Year in Iraq and saw many things that would send a cold shiver up your spine. Things that would make you say how can someone do such a thing.

And were gentle with the iraqi's. What little you know about that. The people love us for what we do and how we make them feel safe. The only people we slap around are the wolf's. Exactly and where did you hear that the media exactly. What little you know outside our neighborhood. The difference between me and you is what ever happen's in the world affects me in every possible way. Because that means we must once again protect the flock from the wolf. I know whats going on in my own country but people become victim's out of there own fault. The prays on the weak not on the strong. Peple need to become the sheep dog. thats there own fault.

The sheep dog.


you dont know what ive seen or what ive done, and ive seen shit youll never see. i know what evil there is in the world, just as well as you do. you think its someone's fault if theyre a victim in your country, then you dont know your own country. you wouldnt believe what happens to people. It would send a chill down YOUR spine. your government creates the conditions that allow millions of your fellow human beings to fall into death and poverty, and you say its their own fault.

its a noble thing to want to be a sheep dog. i chose to be a social worker because i wanted to protect people too. Walking around with an M-16 doesnt make you any more important than me. you know why i didnt join the army? because i knew that the government tells you that they are sending you to fight as a sheep dog and they turn you into a wolf. they lie and say go kill these people they are terrorists we are the only ones who can protect them. but i learned youre not protecting anybody. iraq was a violent place under saddam. now its a violent place on fire. i heard the soldiers come back talking about opening up on civilians in free fire zones, mercenaries shooting up civilians. the death squads run crazy because the iraqi government has no control over them. theres no law in the country so anything can happen, just like you said. that country is ten times more fucked up after the US invaded than it was before. im not saying thats your fault, but thats what the old men who run things do - they tell you youre a sheep dog and then turn you out like a wolf. and the sheep end up dying anyway.

saddam could have been taken out if your government really wanted that a long time ago, if they just paid the resistance of kurds and shias half the money they give the saudis every year to overthrow him. if the US backed them up with airpower the iraqi people could have taken their own country back. saddam was weak. why not? because then the US couldnt control the country, thats what they really wanted. its an oil war. except bush was too dumb to understand that he had to lock down the country after the invasion before chaos set in. thought he could let the country burn to the ground and start all over again. well now the place is fucked. and theres a lot of dead innocent people that paid the price, their families, their homes. if the iraqi people love you so much, why the hell do they want you out of there so bad?

so if you want to tell me you think the war is a good thing, go ahead. but i dont have to be a soldier to challenge you on it. im not going to shut my mouth just because you saw some people die. and ive tried to help people who had bad shit happen to them and their only crime was being poor and i dont tell you to shut up. you dont know anything about me. you call me a terrorist, but i want to protect people from wolves too. maybe not in the army; i want to protect them from the wolves above them as well as the wolves surrounding them. I think you mean it when you say you want to be a sheepdog protecting the sheep, I just dont think you realize those old men never intended for you to protect anybody except some oil executives.

that guy is trying to make politics out of all those dead Iraqis, saying Obama this Obama that. its got nothing to do with politics. i wanted to remind people that its not about politics, its about a hell of a lot of human beings getting killed for a lie. its a lie when bush says it and its a lie when a soldier says it. i dont need to be a sheep or wolf or a sheepdog either to know it either. all i have to be is a person.


First off the suffereing you speak of is nothing compared to the iraq people. I will agree you have seen some crazy stuff but a country that infested with war and violence and no social order is alot different. What little you know. Iraq has the same problems like any other country not torn apart by war. Just threw the fighting in the mix and you have a whole world of pain and hardship. The things you describe in your first letter is the same things we see in our daily life just get blown up by I.E.D.'s and shot at.

In a country where anyone can be the enemy. You have know Idea how hard it is not to shoot in a crowd when the gunmen alone hides in there and take pop shots at you. Trust me being a social worker is hard I'll give you that but war takes a bigger impact on the mind and body. Civilians being shot well most of them stand there and don't move because there told to do so by the enemy. I've pilled bodies high and carried my burdens for others. You speak like you know about violence and all that. We risk our life's protecting these people. You act like you have been there. You have know idea about what happens over there. You speak on word of mouth.

You clearly didn't understand the sheep dog. He's like the wolf he looks like the wolf. He must become the wolf to protect. Thats what a sheep dog is. Have you ever heard the saying to stop a monster you have to become one. We have to get our hands dirty to stop them. These men torture these people for no reason. We ca't just pay them to over threw sadam. The people have always been weak and put down. Anytime they fight there own battles there lines break and they retreat. We armned them but without us they have no backbone. We give them the courage. With us behind them they are willing to stand and fight.
People die innocent for that you are right. But for peace and social order to prosper during war innocent will get kill in the cross fire. American's who work as independent contractors get killed everyday. There jobs from driveing food and medical supplies for the people are killed.

You are also right that you don't have to be a soldier to say that war is a bad thing but at the same time you are like many others that want peace but don't want to get there hands dirty. thats where we come in. We get our hands dirty so you don't have to.
I have conducted missions and operations to puch the enemy out of villages and cities. I have help the people to the point where they come out of there homes with a smile. There are people in places where they won't leave there house because Al-qaeda is around the area killing everyone who doesn't join them. I bet you never heard about that did you. The cities are bigger then any city in the U.S. Baghdad is the size of 4 L.A. When you have a population reaching over 8 million and 20,000 troopes trying to protect every single one. It's not an easy task. Restoring social order so people can live a regular life is a hard job.

The man is not trying to make politics about dead iraqi's not at all. He's saying how disrespectful it is for someone to call what we have worked for and all our brothers who have died to accomplish a mistake. By far you still don't get why I tell you to shut your mouth. It's not about politics not at all. I don't even vote. I don't care about politics. It's about you down talking a soldier who gave his best years for a cause. His years that could of been better spent at home going to college meeting girls etc... you get my drift. Someone who put's his own personnal views aside and answer's his country call is something great.

If you ever read books about profiler's and murders who write there stories it's funny how you say it's not there fault they get raped or murdered. But it is. The F.B.I. did a survey and over 90% percent said is because people look weak and helpless. People make themselves a target not the other way around. People give up hope on alot of things. I never gave up hope either did my family when we were doen and in the gutter. It's about wanting to do something great abd become better. The iraqi's try to become better and when they become what you want them to become they get killed because they choose to be strong.
You are right you don't have to be a sheep dog, a sheep, or a wolf to know the difference but this world falls into that category. You choose to be one or the other. It's not that matter of choice or what you feel like being the next day it's what you are. It's just that simple. There's you have seen that i haven't that will send a chill down my spine. If you have seen human body parts laying on the ground, people burned to death, or woman rappen in plastic around a telephone pole for just saying Hi. I really doubt it. People fall into poverty because they give up on life the refuse to fight back and yes it is there own fault. I hate to say it but it is.

Yes we all have bad luck but people need to get off there lazy ass abd become something instead of just another person in the crowd. It's the spirit to fight, to rage aganist the dieing of the light. The only really freedom anyone has is figureing things out by yourself.

All I'm sayng is that you speak of a war you know nothing about. You can point your finger at us and say thats the bad man but when push comes to shove and the wolf as at your door. We push our feelings aside and stand right there and tell you everything is going to be all right. We step out that door close behind us and get our hands dirty so you can sleep with peace.

Learn about the war and hoe the people live. Have you ever had to walk in knee high sewage i have. I have been covered in blood. I have held innocent iraqi's die because we were to late. Women get beat in the middle of the street because thats the way there society is. And we can't do a fucking thing about it. We stopped it once and got in hell of alot of trouble for it by the iraqi goverment because we can't get involve in there daily life. It's a male domiant society. People suffer more in places like Iraq and in the middle east then any other place in the world. People die everyday it's a fact but to make progress blood has to be spilled on both sides. The iraqi people rean't the one's pushing us out. Do you want to know why wee leaving it's becausing we are spread to thin. Soldiers who have done there time and are suppose to be getting out are stop loss and force to come back. People come back with more problems then you will ever know. You have becoming like michael crook. Look him up on YouTube and watch the one with hanity and colmes. You'll see how ignorant people can be.

Don't point your finger, cast the first stone, or bad mouth what hundreds have died trying accomplish which you are to afraid to do yourself. We do it not because were told to do it because we are ask to do it. There's a difference and something you will never understand. I know your from canada so it says on your profile but if it wasn't for people like me and your fellow country men who stand by our side you would be in a world of pain. Just never question a war if you have never been there or not willing to fight to see what it's really like.